


Somebody Save Me (Let Your Warms Hands Break Right Through)

by Crazy_dreamer95



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cuddling, F/F, Fluff, I just love them, PLEASE DON'T READ IF TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE ARE TRIGGERING, The 'Clarke has nightmares' thing, don't really know when it takes place, short masturbation scene - like less then 50 words of it, suicide ideation mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_dreamer95/pseuds/Crazy_dreamer95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You are not weak, Clarke kom Skaikru” she mumbled “but I am weak for you.”</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>Clarke has nightmares/terrors and Lexa has to learn how to comfort her when she breaks down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Save Me (Let Your Warms Hands Break Right Through)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, been thinking of writing this one for a while and decided to gun it out to avoid writing an essay. Hope you like it.
> 
> WARNING: there is mention of suicidal ideation and very minor unintentional self harm. I'm sorry if this upsets you. 
> 
> Rock on everybody :D  
> EDIT: whoops, sorry about the doubling up of lines that was there.

The first time it happened, Lexa had no idea what was going on.

Lexa had trouble sleeping for as long as she could remember. There was always something on her mind, so she struggled to sleep through the night. She spent countless hours of darkness sitting in bed reading books from before the nuclear war. Poetry, novels, plays, encyclopaedias, she would read anything she could get her hands on.

On a particularly cold night she was reading about the invention of electricity, and how it was used to power lights and heaters and ovens. The technology was incredible.

It was then that she heard the scream.

Dropping her book, she threw back her covers and jumped out of bed dressed only in a thin night dress. She pushed through her thick double doors and was met by her two guards.

“The scream, was it from Wanheda’s room?” She asked, already making her way down the passageway towards Clarke’s room.

“Yes” one of the guards answered “but Heda, there are warriors positioned at her door. She is safe.”

Lexa halted at his words, spinning to point an angry finger in his face “two warriors mean nothing. Leave me.”

“Heda?” The other guard asked hesitantly.

“I said leave!” Lexa yelled, already marching to the warriors guarding Clarke’s door. She waved her hands at them dismissively before she approached the door, hearing no signs of unrest inside. Unsure of what to do, she hesitated before raising a fist and bringing it down softly on the door.

Lexa heard Clarke let out a choked sob before calling out “yes?”

The Commander pushed the door open and stood awkwardly inside. Clarke was sitting up in her bed, her sheets tangled around her legs and strewn on the floor. Lexa could see in the dim candlelight the sheen of sweat covering her entire body. Her chest was rising and falling heavily and there were still a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Are you safe?” Lexa asked, holding her hands behind her back “I heard screaming.”

“Yeah” Clarke nodded and wiped a hand across her cheeks “yeah, sorry about that, I’m safe. I’m sorry I woke you – you should go back to sleep, I know that you have a meeting with some of the clan leaders tomorrow.”

Lexa nodded at her dismissal and turned to leave, but not before smiling at Clarke and saying gently – “reshop Clarke.”

\----

The second time it happened Lexa had made it to Clarke’s door while she was still screaming. The blonde was sitting in her bed, one hand roughly hitting the side of her head, the other gripping the sheets beside her.

“Clarke!” Lexa called, rushing to the bed and shaking Clarke’s leg in an effort to wake her. But the screaming and hitting continued. “Clarke!” She tried again, this time firmly grabbing hold of the arm that was so brutally whacking Clarke’s head.

Her eyes flew open in a snap, panic and anxiety written on her face. She pulled her hand from Lexa’s and pushed herself as far away from her as she could, her breathing coming out in shaky stutters.

Clarke looked afraid of her.

“I apologise” Lexa stood from the bed and walked backwards, watching as Clarke began to relax at the increasing distance put between them.

As Lexa left she heard Clarke whisper into the darkness “thank-you Commander.”

\----

On the third night Lexa was woken by the sound of her name being called in a panic. She was just sitting up when she heard Clarke outside her door.

“Let me in!” She yelled at Lexa’s guards “I need to see Lex - I need to see the Commander.”

Lexa readjusted her night dress to make herself appropriate before standing from the bed. “Let her in.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth did the doors swing open, allowing Clarke to storm inside. She skidded to a halt and braced a hand against the wall closest to her.

“It was so real” she whispered, running a hand through her tangled, greasy hair.

“What do you speak of?” Lexa asked, taking a hesitant step towards Clarke.

“I had a dream. A nightmare actually” Clarke admitted, standing her ground and gesturing towards Lexa. “You – you died.”

“I can assure you that I am alive” Lexa responded, holding out an arm to gesture towards the balcony on the other side of the room. “Some fresh air might help.”

Silently Clarke walked by Lexa’s side, until they were leaning against the rail and gazing out at the Polis nightlife. Murmurs could be heard below, and every so often a laugh or a shout would break through the still of the night. People walked along the streets, some dancing and playing music.

“You were shot.”

Lexa looked over at Clarke and saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“I only saw snippets of it” she continued, not turning to look at Lexa. “You just came through a door and you were shot and there was-” she paused and swallowed thickly “there was nothing that I could do.”

Carefully, Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, noticing the way she flinched slightly beneath her touch. “I’m sorry that you experienced that, I hope that you are never put in that situation.”

Clarke nodded slightly and turned, letting Lexa’s hand drop from her shoulder. She walked back inside and was at the door before Lexa could take more than ten steps inside. With arms crossed over her chest, Clarke turned and looked Lexa in the eye for the first time that night.

“I’m sorry. For the other night. I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

Without another word, Clarke was gone.

\----

The fourth night her guards had knocked on her door while she was reading _Wuthering Heights._

“Yes?” She asked through the walls.

“Wanheda was found outside, we thought you would like to know.”

Lexa sighed and put her book down. It was raining heavily outside, leading her to wonder what exactly drove Clarke to be outside at this time. She stood and slipped her arms through her robe. Once outside her room she instructed a guard to collect some boiling water and take it to Clarke’s room.

Lexa was getting quite used to walking down the hall to Clarke’s room in the middle of the night.

She knocked on the door, not waiting for an answer before she slipped inside. She found Clarke sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest, clothing drenched and her body covered in mud.

“Clarke” Lexa knelt beside her and placed a hand on her knee. It was then that she noticed the knife gripped tightly in her hand.

“It’s not for you” Clarke whispered, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

Lexa paused, briefly considering how to word her next question, recalling the manic way Clarke had been hitting her head on a previous night. “Did you intend to use it on yourself?”

Clarke sobbed and let the knife drop to the ground, her body shaking from exhaustion and the sheer emotion of the night. “I couldn’t find my gun.”

There was a knock at the door, followed by a tentative “Commander?”

“Leave it outside” Lexa called her response, shifting so she could wrap an arm around Clarke’s shoulders. It didn’t take much for Clarke to fall into Lexa.

Clarke held onto Lexa’s robe with a vice grip, her head buried into her shoulder, brown hair covering her face. Lexa tried to soothe her, running her hand through blonde hair and whispering sweet words into her ear.

“I just want them to stop” Clarke stammered out through gasping breaths.

“The nightmares?” Lexa asked, running a hand up and down Clarke’s back in an effort to steady her breathing.

“They won’t stop Lexa. All I can see is what I have done and I can’t…I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. I feel so weak.”

Without thinking, Lexa pressed her lips to the top of Clarke’s head. “You are not weak Clarke. You are strong. You fail to see this because you cannot see past what you have done. Time will help with that. Facing what has happened will help.”

“Did it help you?” Clarke asked, raising her head to look at Lexa.

“Yes” Lexa nodded “I have learnt how to cope with the atrocities of war and the decisions I need to make. They still affect me, but I can come through it without breaking.”

Clarke nodded and shivered again. This time from the cold instead of her tears.

“There’s hot water outside” Lexa said, standing and bringing Clarke up from the floor with her. “If you wait in your washroom I can bring it through.”

Clarke nodded and took slow steps towards the tub. Lexa followed her moments later, carrying a large bucket filled with hot water. She poured it into the tub before going back to retrieve another bucket of cooler water. Adding it to the tub, she mixed through a rose oil that was sitting on a shelf. Lexa could feel the presence of Clarke behind her, and when she turned and stood, the two were inches from each other.

“I can’t-” Clarke began gesturing towards her body, her lips not forming the words she wanted to say. “I’m so exhausted.”

Lexa nodded and reached for the zipper of her jacket, sliding it down before pulling the sodden material from her body. Clarke stood still, tears rolling down her cheeks as Lexa undressed her, peeling her clothes from her body. Her hands were on the button of Clarke’s pants when Lexa paused, looking up for confirmation.

Clarke nodded before breaking the silence “I didn’t think it would happen this way. I didn’t think I would be like this.”

Lexa knelt before Clarke, lifting her feet one by one to slip her pants out and toss them to the side. “We cannot always control our emotions, no matter how much we want to.”

Clarke suddenly felt self-conscious, acutely aware of her near nudity in Lexa’s presence. She ducked her head as a blush graced her cheeks.

“I’ll wait outside” Lexa smiled and stepped away, gathering Clarke’s dirty clothes in her arms. “If you require anything, please call out.”

\----

Her name being called out was exactly what jolted Lexa awake on the fifth night as she slept by Clarke’s door.

She paused, her hand hovering over the door handle as she heard her name repeated, quieter this time, followed by a soft gasp and a moan.

_Oh._

Lexa’s eyes widened in realisation.

“Oh god” she heard from inside the room.

Lexa smirked and shook her head in amusement. She gathered her blanket from the floor and walked towards her own bedroom. Clarke would be ok for tonight.

\----

The sixth night was one of the worst.

They had arrived back in Polis from a trip to Arkadia as the sun was setting. The Sky People were not happy that Clarke chose to return to Polis with Lexa, whispers of _traitor_ spreading through some of the crowd.

“I need to represent us Mum” Clarke had told Abby, grasping her hands “you do what you can here, and I’ll keep peace in Polis.”

Octavia and Raven had both hugged her before she left, telling her to stay safe and get some sleep because “you look like shit” as Raven proclaimed. Clarke bid Abby and her friends farewell before walking through the gates, an aching feeling in her gut that she would not return for quite some time.

They were halfway to Polis when Clarke had asked if they could stop for a break. Lexa had been ready to deny her when she saw the pleading look in her eyes.

Lexa did not follow Clarke when she jumped off her horse and weaved her way between the trees.

She did not go running when she heard a muffled scream.

She did not say anything when Clarke returned, the knuckles on her right hand swollen and bloody. Lexa merely ripped a strip from the bottom of her shirt and wrapped it tightly around her hand, not allowing judgement of Clarke to enter her thoughts.

It was not until they returned to Polis that Lexa held Clarke’s uninjured hand and lead her to her own bedroom, telling her guards to retrieve the Sky Girl’s night clothes from her bedroom and to leave them by the door. She ushered Clarke inside, guiding her by her shoulders in silence, pushing her down to sit on the couch in the centre of the room. Lexa sat beside her and waited.

“I see them” she whispered, her eyes wide with horror “I see them when I close my eyes, and I see them when I look at my people. When I look at my mum, I see all the mothers that I killed. When I look at Octavia and Raven, I see the friends who I killed, the children who I slaughtered. I see them all. I can’t go back there. I can’t go back and face them again.”

“Allow yourself some more time” Lexa offered, keeping her hands on her lap, not knowing if her touches would come as a comfort when they weren’t surrounded by complete darkness.

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, her head falling to rest on the back of the couch. When her breathing was steady, Lexa took a book from the table in front of her and opened it, never straying far from Clarke’s side.

Less than an hour had passed when the groaning started.

Lexa glanced at Clarke, watching as she gripped onto the couch beneath her and scrunched her face in distress. Her breathing became rapid and sweat was beginning to collect on her forehead. Before Lexa could reach out to comfort her, Clarke lurched forward, a cry erupting from her mouth.

“You’re safe” Lexa whispered, pulling Clarke into her and holding her as she cried “you’re safe, I swear it to you.”

Once Clarke had calmed, she pulled herself from Lexa’s embrace and averted her eyes, staring at the ground.

“Would you like to move to the bed?” Lexa asked “I’ll be awake for a while, I’ll watch out for you.”

In silence, Clarke stood and began unbuttoning her shirt, stripping behind Lexa’s back. She climbed into bed and slipped under the sheets silently, noticing instantly how much everything smelt like Lexa. She was surrounded by her and was unsure how she felt about it.

“Goodnight Clarke” Lexa called from the couch, getting comfortable by curling her feet beneath her.

Clarke mumbled her response, “goodnight Lexa.”

\---

Lexa must’ve drifted off to sleep at some point during the night as she woke up to frantic mumblings of her name. She glanced over and saw Clarke sitting upright in bed, her cheeks shining from tears, as her hands pushed around the bed in search of something. Lexa shot up from the couch and was by Clarke’s side on her bed in seconds.

“I’m here” Lexa said, going against every single voice in her head when she reached out and cradled Clarke’s face in her hands. “You’re safe, I’m safe.”

“Stay with me” Clarke whispered, vulnerability lacing her tone. “Please, I can’t be alone right now.”

Lexa nodded and helped Clarke lay back down on the bed before she climbed up. She sat against the headboard, letting her hand run gently through Clarke’s hair.

“I wanted to hate you” Clarke admitted in the silence “I really tried to hate you. To blame you for everything.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry for that.” Clarke apologised, turning her body so her face rested besides Lexa’s hip and she was able to rest her arm on top of her thighs. She fell asleep while absentmindedly tracing patterns on Lexa’s skin.

\---

When Clarke thrashed around restlessly that night, Lexa held her tight, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Talking about the sky and the trees, the colour of the ocean when the sun was setting. Slowly Clarke would calm, holding tight onto Lexa’s arms that bracketed her body.

\---

When Clarke woke in the early morning she didn’t want to move a muscle, afraid it would break the absolute bliss of being held by Lexa. With caution, she turned her body in Lexa’s arms so she was facing her, gently tracing her fingers across her peaceful face. When her thumb brushed her lip, Lexa smiled slightly and pulled Clarke closer into her.

Knowing she would not have the courage to do so when she was awake, Clarke leant forward and gently pressed her lips against Lexa’s. They were as soft as she remembered. She lingered for just a moment, committing this to memory, afraid that at any second she would wake up and it would all have just been a dream. Pulling back, she couldn’t help but smile when Lexa’s lips tried to follow hers. Clarke turned in Lexa’s arms, so her back was against the Commander’s chest.

What had made her so weak that she had needed comforting from the one person she wanted to hate?

Lexa’s arms gripped Clarke closer and she nuzzled slightly into blonde hair, her breath hot against her neck. “You are not weak, Clarke kom Skaikru” she mumbled “but I am weak for you.”

Clarke gripped Lexa’s hand and held it by her lips, falling back asleep with some sense of peace for the first time in weeks.


End file.
